Revengecast S03E07 – Resurgence


Listen Up!

Don’t mean’t to scare you, Ems, but there’s a new sheriff in town and her name is BIZZY PRESTON.

I guess? Or like maybe it’s spelled Bissy…?


You couldn’t paint a prettier picture of the Hamptons in mid-summer. July 4th is just around the corner and what do rich people enjoy celebrating more than things were going swimmingly (like literally, because they were in the ocean (okay but technically i guess they were on a raft)) until that Bismuth B Preston, PR Flack To The Stars, showed up on their doorstep with a publicity plan, a suitcase, and a dream (and a large advance on a colossal invoice). Now it’s like all we talk about is “reputation,” and “how to reform the Grayson name,” and “you kids wouldn’t lie to me behind my back about having emotional affairs with poor ex-girlfriends whose chance at a peaceful, productive life was shattered directly by you (much like their spine) over one fateful night and a fifth of Banker’s Club,” right?


You know what they say. You can’t spell “business” without “bizzy,” and the Graysons paid for the only Bizzy in town and if that doesn’t also round up to the best Bizzy in town then I’ll eat my hat!

Only problem is (aside from the part where Bizzy seems supremely bad at her job): a certain Buzzard Prusten has history with a certain Archibald J. Nolan “Nolz” Nolan The Third. And by “history” I mean a “traumatic and public tabloid outing that rent wide the rift between him and his homophobic father once and for all (just when I was about to bridge it with money, Ems; just when I was about to buy my poor father’s love back with all my new money. ;_; ;_; ;_; ;_; ;_; ;_; ;_; ;_;)

Here’s what’s really real: I just don’t buy Nolan pining for an abusive father that abandoned him except for the fact that Nolan is so incredibly lonely. So, in that sense, the pieces do really fit. In a different sense, once you create a sex dolphin robot and imbue it with a human soul created through mad alchemy–like, quite frankly…

Hey, I dunno. Maybe that’s fine. Maybe that’s normal. I can’t presume to say. It’s reasonable to say that NolzOne, locked up in the Basement’s Basement, and being a real pill about it, isn’t holding up his end of the bargain. Emily certainly isn’t!! All she cares about is Revenge! And, like, it’s one of those things where your friend gets really really into something and you’re kinda like “it’s cool I guess…”but she’s like it’s not “””coool””” it’s called Revenge and um actually??? It’s super great? So get on my level, put on the Google Glass, and start Revenging before I officially dissolve this friendship just like your dad did.

In this episode of Revengecast, aside from Bizzy Bs and their propensity for “readers,” I’m not sure of a whole heck of a lot of merit actually happened. Like I guess it’s fair to say that Victoria maybe spent a little too much time Pouncing on Peas to really get any substantive Burn Work done; then again, in that sense we used to say about games like Gigawing, “it’s the slow bullet that kills,” and I haven’t seen a slower bullet than Sarah J. Cupcakes in about an age. I guess it’s fair to say that Aiden was excommunicated from the Hamptons (again (again again?)) I guess, you might think, it’s also fair to say that a Macaron is not a Macaroon (though it is, perhaps, a “Jackaroon”), but we’ve all been down that rabbit hole before (and somehow that, plus all his other nebulously terrible characteristics) didn’t prevent Jack Porter from getting laid by the Total Wash Of Charisma that is Magaux Lemarchal, whose casually tousled hair  is, and will remain for some time, a thing to behold.


Topics for Consideration:

Grayson Family Compote
Do Bleckards Dream Of Electronic Sheep
What Happened To Nemo??
Mme. Bex Delacroix-Taylor-Kreuz
The Hunger Games but Kanzaki Nao

Target Status:


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  • sadoldnerd

    “Regina Mills: I will not listen to childcare lectures from a man who put his daughter in a box and shipped her to Maine. ”
    watching once upon a time s02e02 and heard this. Seems like Jack common
    man porter man man has relatives in Maine. There are some interesting
    parallels between the shows, though so far there as been a distinct lack
    of Nolan. Are revengecast headcanon and once upon a time in same

    Signed, sadoldnerd, age 6

    P.S. Whenever you
    chant revengecast I chant revengecats and think back to the fable of
    meerkat manor bookmark(I did not know meerkat was spelled with a ‘k’
    until I wrote this).

  • Facts:
    Christopher Meloni may have the longest head in all of human history. So he’s not an orange or a potato. More like a zucchini or cucumber? I guess he could be a long potato.
    He’s married to paint. Well, his wife is Sherman Williams, which I don’t think works as a name for either gender. The pain is Sherwin Williams, which is not a great name for paint.