This time on Revengecast, concerns of timely departures are swept aside as we spend like fifty minutes talking about random junk like Stranger Things, You’re Next, Deus Ex, renowned chair orator Clint Eastwood (FOR SOME REASON) before getting to the actual meat of the matter, namely that Emily Thorne dipped one toe too many into the holy water basin and has now found herself embroiled in the highest stake game the Revenge casino has on offer: Kitten or Not Kitten?? Don’t let the constantly bemused expression, overwhelming compassion, endless charity outreach, and John Ritter-esque hair part fool you, Emily–that Father Paul is No Kitten.
Or maybe he is?? Like, after all, that’s the whole point of the game! And with a priest’s reputation on the line, Emily finds herself surprised by her wavering self-righteousness–oh wait, that’s not self-doubt! That’s Nolan futilely chiming the Bell of Conscience & Everyday Basic Human Decency in your ear! WARE, EMILY! WARE! TRAIPSE DOWN NOT THIS THORNY PATH OF REVENGETH, LEST AN INNOCENT MAN YE DAMN, AND IN THE PROCESS, SUBMIT YE THY MARRED SOUL TO THE UNBOUNDED TORMENTS OF YON NYOLAN CAT TILL THE END OF THINE DAYS & BEYOND!
Well anyway, regardless of your feelings on a certain Padre Paolo and his felid aspect (or lack thereof), you have to admit that sin is running rampant all over this island. Dresses are falling off shoulders, clandestine yacht deals are brokered, Nolan’s developed six new ways to describe hacking since he’s not allowed to actually do any of it (and, let’s be real about it folks, they’re almost certainly double entendres for masturbation), Victoria is making weird implications about where she’s going to be during Patrick’s honeymoon (it’s implicit in her statement), PEOPLE SOMEHOW REMEMBER FRANK EXISTED AND WE KNOW THAT BECAUSE THEY MENTION HIM BY NAME FOR SOME REASON, Conrad is “Getting” “Drunk” at the De Facto Family Summit, if you get what I’m implying (Emily is drugging him, is what I’m implying), and his ensuing grumpiness (and glass breaky-ness) causes a heart-struck Charlotte to seriously consider making a modest withdrawal from the Daughter Bank (that is to say: herself). Like whatever! That threat would’ve hit a lot harder if it weren’t delivered by Ms. Casual Pony 2013. Face it, Charlotte, you lost what little Daughter Cache you had when you traded in your leather tights for yoga pants.
But if ever an arrow could pierce the seam in Conrad’s armor, it’s the extremely temporary threat of voided daughter admiration, so, after sobering up, his next move is to attain the conscience that Emily couldn’t and scoot on down to the rain-washed steps of the darkened abbey in the middle of the night to have his confession heard by a conveniently proximate Father Paul–the Revenge Target (and Possible Kitten) Du Jour, in case you forgot. Yikes! That’s a collision course in the making if I ever saw one! And so, as her Revenge mine cart barrels down a rickety track made of joyful puppies held by a perennially scowling Jack Porter, it’s time for Emily Thorne to make a decision: KITTEN OR NOT KITTEN???
Topics for Consideration:
The Impracticality Of Robo-Racism
“Cooking the Blueberries”
The Mysterious Smallventures of Tiny Winona Ryder
Moe For Margaux!
That Part Where Fight Club Realizes He’s Brad Pitt Only It’s Emily & She’s Every Antagonist In The Show To Date
Seen The Vagina Bones On That Boy??
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