In The Shadow of the Extraneous Thanksgiving

It’s time to join Joel, and everyone else, on a magical Thanksgiving adventure! Stick to the end for a special recipe treat from all of us!



Baking is hard! Did anyone ever tell you that? Well they should’ve! Because, whether by lack of baking soda or perhaps TOO MUCH baking soda (but probably not that), these biscuits turned out more like cookies!


Each biskie (or cookiescuit, if you prefer!) contained approximately 10 daily recommended allowances of salt, and tasted like running your tongue over a pile of MSG. Very efficient!

Graz considered avoiding her now-traditional brussel sprouts due to the effort required, but we weren’t having any of that. Back to work, brussel chef!


The small yellow culvert in these potatoes is due the lazy mixing of some late-addition butter. Problem? I don’t think so! That butter pond is where the flavor lives.


Right about now the brussel sprouts are nice and charred. Great work, brussel chef!


This year was our smallest Extraneous Thanksgiving yet. After 8 pm, with no Ben on the horizon, I took over his ceremonial duty of pouring beer into dishes that don’t call for beer.


The ritual worked! Ben is summoned!


We keep on attempting pies even though we never eat them and they always get burnt. Joel described this pie shield with a perfect adjective I can’t remember. In its place, I will substitute an adjective of relatively equivalent power. This is a “saucy” pie shield!

(it didn’t work, the crust got burnt as hell)

IMG_0104 And though we suffer no pumpkin, no Extraneous Thanksgiving would be complete without Joel’s trademark Oreo Pie (TIP FROM THE MASTERS: buy two bags of Oreos so you can eat the second bag guilt-free while you cook!)


The finishing touches:

IMG_0110Pictured: Flavor Crags and Hella Gravy (soon to be featured in their own prime-time spin off show)

IMG_0113After making cranberry sauce from scratch at our family’s Thanksgiving we decided “ah fuck it” and bought the canned stuff. It’s not better-good, it’s just different-good!

(not pictured: the $5 jar of “Cranberry Relish” we bought from Whole Foods before we went to the ghetto supermarket)


Ben may’ve shown up late, but he did so in style! His cranberry sculpture, meant to represent Graz and mine’s apartment building, was the talk of the table!

IMG_0122Ben stands in for Greg in the ceremonial picture of the first bite. 9:56! Is this a new record?


A plate worthy of the name:


Baby, no! You’re not ready yet!


What do your cranberry eyes see?

IMG_0131 Noah perfectly encapsulates his role as the spirit of Thanksgiving Eating Despair.


Don’t believe Erin’s lies. It’s been an Extraneous Thanksgiving, and an Oreo Pie, to remember!

Graz’s Phantasmagoric Brussel Sprouts

Brussel Sprouts
Pancetta (but you can use Thick-Cut Bacon, if you ain’t fancy)
Salt & Pepper

Set your pan to medium-high heat. Cut in half and then par-boil the brussel sprouts for 4-7 minutes (depending on size), then immediately plunge them into ice-cold water to stop the cooking. Then cube the pancetta and cook it until it’s crispy.

Add butter and chopped shallots and cook until the shallots are soft and a little bit brown BUT NOT TOO BROWN (about 5 minutes, don’t let them burn too bad).

After that take your shallots and pancetta out, but make sure to leave as much grease as you can in the pan because you’re putting those brussel sprouts right back in! Place them cut side down and brown them (probably 3 minutes a side), adding more butter if your butter-ratio seems too light. Do the brussel sprouts in batches because you don’t wanna crowd the pan, dummy! A crowded pan is a sure recipe for soggy sprouts, and you want these suckers caramelized. You might need to turn the flame up to high (you can do it, we believe in you!) to really perfect the brown. Once they’re nice and brown toss it all together and you’re done!