Show #49: Invisible Touch

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Dave sez: Birdy the Mighty: Lo Fat, Lo Cal, Lo Everything.

1:03 Yakov Smirnoff

Joel: Is this joke even cuturally relevant anymore?
Dave: Only to internet dorks.

2:01 Crank

Joel: Jason Statham is my main man. Kazuo Koike needs to stay away from American cinema.
Dave: Latino + Blowjob + Steak + Dog = uncomfooooooooortable.

3:02 IHOP

Joel: Not that great. Plus, the name is an acronym but the sign fails to indicate that with periods.
Dave: Yeah, syntax is the reason we should string them up.

6:16 Fiber glass is going to kill you.

Joel: Now you know you should be afraid of everything.
Dave: Well, it won’t kill you. It’ll probably just make you really itchy.

8:10 Birdy the Mighty
Joel: Not bad, but definitely not good. Ok is probably the best way to describe it.

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9:03 Boss Roach

Joel: His real name is irrelevent because Boss Roach is so much cooler than anything Japan could conceive.

12:50 The Descent

Joel: I’m actually suprised Dave doesn’t like this movie. I’ve never seen it, but reliable sources said it was alright.
Dave: Reliable sources should’ve told you that human beings 1) haven’t been around long enough to evolve into crazy mutants, especially not if said mutants seem to have “evolved” from native American tribes 2) If your super evolution involves loss of sight, your other senses should not ALSO denegrate to compensate.

15:40 Phil Collins’ Invisible Touch

Joel: I can’t emphasize this enough: Phil Collins sucks.
Dave: I can’t emphasize how awesome “Land of Confusion” is.
Joel: I can’t emphsize how much I hate you.

16:26 All of Me

Joel: This was actually a pretty cool movie.
Dave: I prefer the Chevy Chase movie when he gets put in a woman’s body and tries to have a lesbian encounter, only to fail because he’s just THAT homophobic.

17:05 Total Recall

Joel: Be prepared to hear the lines “Quaid. Use the reactor; Save Mars,” a lot in the future.
Dave: Sorry.

18:01 Botulism

Joel: I can’t imagine it’s as easy to detect botulism as I assume considering actual humans have died from it.
Dave: Humans also die from falling in holes.

19:43 How High

Joel: Didn’t see this movie, but based on Dave’s statements I’m kinda glad.
Dave: Don’t mess with Method Man’s magnum opus.

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23:08 Muck from Final Fantasy I

Joel: Apparently Dave has a festering hatred of mucks and the FFI magic system. This must only be compounded by the fact that only one of the monsters above is actually a muck.
Dave: But they’re all equally irritating.

28:29 Look those names up yourself.

Joel: There are a lot of things Dave just rattled off. You can go to imdb.
Dave: None of them are important in any significant way.

29:55 WXIII

Joel: I actually really like this movie. More than than the previous Patlabor movies.
Dave: Only a man with no penis wouldn’t enjoy Patlabor 2.

30:30 Sadamitsu the Destroyer

Joel: We talked about this show. It was pretty good.
Dave: It was like a good version of Birdy! With… strange, potentially homosexual overtones.

  • The moment I realized exactly what kind of movie Crank was going to be was when Statham, lurching out of his apartment and into the parking garage while reeling from the effects of the poison, runs over the hood of a car for no good reason other than it being there. For a movie that feels like it was directed by sixteen year old white kids, it was pretty sweet. I’d take The Transporter films over this entry into the illustrious Statham cinema library any day, though. Fun fact: Both Transporter 2 and Crank are exactly 87 minutes long.

    Descent was great until the monsters showed up. And have you seen the original ending that played with the movie in Britain or New Zealand or Australia or whatever not American country it opened in? Total crap.

    Have a somber and mournful 9-11, guys! Look forward to the next episode.

    -Matt (from Queens by way of a Jersey suburb of Philadelphia who has now registered a blogger ID)

  • Michael En

    Didn’t listen to the new episode entirely yet, but I have no doubts it’ll be great.

    Quick question: I can’t beat the ninth stage of Super Robot Taisen OG for Ryusei. How do I destroy the Guarlion?

  • Michael En said:
    Didn’t listen to the new episode entirely yet…

    Me neither, I keep falling asleep when I get about half of it :(
    But what did reach my brain while consious was a treat.

  • Kazuo Koike needs to stay away from American cinema.

    THEN YOU SIR ARE MY NEMESIS!

    [Dave begins to play the flute in celebration of the impending dominance of jazz]

    No! NO! Ahhh!