Show #49: Invisible Touch

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Dave sez: Birdy the Mighty: Lo Fat, Lo Cal, Lo Everything.

1:03 Yakov Smirnoff

Joel: Is this joke even cuturally relevant anymore?
Dave: Only to internet dorks.

2:01 Crank

Joel: Jason Statham is my main man. Kazuo Koike needs to stay away from American cinema.
Dave: Latino + Blowjob + Steak + Dog = uncomfooooooooortable.

3:02 IHOP

Joel: Not that great. Plus, the name is an acronym but the sign fails to indicate that with periods.
Dave: Yeah, syntax is the reason we should string them up.

6:16 Fiber glass is going to kill you.

Joel: Now you know you should be afraid of everything.
Dave: Well, it won’t kill you. It’ll probably just make you really itchy.

8:10 Birdy the Mighty
Joel: Not bad, but definitely not good. Ok is probably the best way to describe it.

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9:03 Boss Roach

Joel: His real name is irrelevent because Boss Roach is so much cooler than anything Japan could conceive.

12:50 The Descent

Joel: I’m actually suprised Dave doesn’t like this movie. I’ve never seen it, but reliable sources said it was alright.
Dave: Reliable sources should’ve told you that human beings 1) haven’t been around long enough to evolve into crazy mutants, especially not if said mutants seem to have “evolved” from native American tribes 2) If your super evolution involves loss of sight, your other senses should not ALSO denegrate to compensate.

15:40 Phil Collins’ Invisible Touch

Joel: I can’t emphasize this enough: Phil Collins sucks.
Dave: I can’t emphasize how awesome “Land of Confusion” is.
Joel: I can’t emphsize how much I hate you.

16:26 All of Me

Joel: This was actually a pretty cool movie.
Dave: I prefer the Chevy Chase movie when he gets put in a woman’s body and tries to have a lesbian encounter, only to fail because he’s just THAT homophobic.

17:05 Total Recall

Joel: Be prepared to hear the lines “Quaid. Use the reactor; Save Mars,” a lot in the future.
Dave: Sorry.

18:01 Botulism

Joel: I can’t imagine it’s as easy to detect botulism as I assume considering actual humans have died from it.
Dave: Humans also die from falling in holes.

19:43 How High

Joel: Didn’t see this movie, but based on Dave’s statements I’m kinda glad.
Dave: Don’t mess with Method Man’s magnum opus.

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23:08 Muck from Final Fantasy I

Joel: Apparently Dave has a festering hatred of mucks and the FFI magic system. This must only be compounded by the fact that only one of the monsters above is actually a muck.
Dave: But they’re all equally irritating.

28:29 Look those names up yourself.

Joel: There are a lot of things Dave just rattled off. You can go to imdb.
Dave: None of them are important in any significant way.

29:55 WXIII

Joel: I actually really like this movie. More than than the previous Patlabor movies.
Dave: Only a man with no penis wouldn’t enjoy Patlabor 2.

30:30 Sadamitsu the Destroyer

Joel: We talked about this show. It was pretty good.
Dave: It was like a good version of Birdy! With… strange, potentially homosexual overtones.