Show #33: I Swear to God, if I See ONE MORE SWORD!

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Episodes of the show before #31 are available here

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Shownotes by Joel:

0:45 OCRemix meet up

Dave: I do love me some OC remix!
Joel: And me and Jerry are always down with the Soul Caliber and Guilty Gear.
Dave: This will not turn out well.

1:58 Dave… hate… STEAM!!!

Joel: How can you hate steam Dave? It’s so convenient. All the files you want are right there… and it seems you actually like it.
Dave: I am terrified of the idea that Valve is monitoring when I take screencaps of prerendered girls breasts, something that happens more often than I’d care to admit. STOP CENSORING ME AMERICAN GOVERNMENT!
Joel: Remember that movie where Sandra Bullock had her identity was erased? That’s what Valve has planned! Punkbuster, while unrelated, was the first step!

6:15 Two Games! First: Shadow Grounds. There had better be coop!!

Joel: Doom 3 and Smash T.V.? Just say Alien Swarm, Dave, they’re like the same freaking game!
Dave: Unnecessarily complex analogies is the conerstone of this podcast Joel, and I won’t let you try and tear down what we’ve built.

Dave: Ganymede, Jupiter’s second most famous moon!
Joel: Effing Io. Jett is from Ganymede!

Joel: Once again, we spend most of our time talking about games we played when we were twelve.
Dave: Whatever, Smash T.V. was fun, Running Man action! And also… Crash and the Boys… again.
Joel: DAMMIT DAVE!
Dave: Oops…

12:08 Sin, the game that could never be (worth your $20).

Joel: Yeah, Sin, as in it is an affront to God himself. Half Life 1 was better than this game.
Dave: The alpha tech demo of Half-Life 1 was better than this game.

Joel: Episodes: Good for Shenmue, didn’t work here.
Dave: I think saying episodes are good for a game that got through two of its proposed sixteen chapters is specious reasoning…
Joel: Dave, you don’t even know Man, I would have played 7 chapters of Ryo. Hey mister, wanna wrestle?
Dave: No, no I don’t.


Hey mister, wanna wrestle?

Joel: Scalable difficulty, when poorly done, is the bane of Dave’s existence.
Dave: Apparently “scalable difficulty” is secret code for “inspire keyboard shattering rage”

Joel: Lame character designs and poor “boob physics” distract us, so we turn to awesome Korean martial arts.
Dave: Sex sells, Joel.
Joel: We’re just not sure to who.
Dave: Not the Koreans!

23:40 Thank you gamefaqs.

Joel:Dave, you helped a lot of people beat a mediocre game. You’re an enabler.
Dave: An enabler who put $50 in his pocket!!

24:28 The Wii shall be your salvation.

Joel: Wii price point is the jam! THE JAM!
Dave: If it comes out at this price, I will most assuredly pee my pants.
Joel: Er… yes… balls to you Sony! BALLS!
Dave: Sony is still not allowed to have my balls.

28:03 YOU SON OF A BITCH!

Joel:DAVE! Seriously!
Dave: Don’t blame me, man, blame society.

28:42 Advent Children.

Sony: Well Doctor?
Doctor: They’re all girls.
Sony: ALL of them?
Doctor: Yes, every last one.

Dave: The uncanny valley is a theory that says we like human resembling things (like dogs and Roomba vacuums) because they exhibit traits we can ascribe to humanity, but we only like this up to a certain point, after which it becomes a lot less cute and a lot more creepy. That’s why mankind invariably ends up hating robots!
Joel: The only thing uncanny is how poorly these characters aproximate men.

Dave:Geostigma … that is all.
Joel: We’ve actually now spent more time talking about it than the movie did.

Joel:Here’s a link to something that was missing in Final Fantasy.
Dave: The internet doesn’t have enough links for what was missing in this movie.


Bahamut? More like BahaBUTT!

41:11 The vagina is a horrofying well of darkness.

Joel: That moe thing is seriously freaky.
Dave: No Joel, the creepy part is it’s not the worst Japan can do.

44:17 The Northern Cave

Joel: Dave played Final Fantasy VII non stop, don’t believe his lies.
Dave: That’s actually not far from the truth. Back in highschool I wasn’t allowed a Playstation. I had to buy one and hide it from my mom and dad. Since I had no TV of my own, the only time I could play it was on Tuesday afternoons when my Dad worked late. I would play it for about four hours a week, but… oh… those four hours!!
Joel: Tonberries are awesome.
Dave: Thanks Joel.

  • Anonymous

    This is only to boost the ego of one half of this podcast. I’ll give you a hint, the ego that needs boosting isn’t Dave’s. Also, work is very slow today. Slow enough that I’ve checked the fan-service forum at least ten times.